New Dietary Framework With 50 Levels Announced

The International Society for Dietary Restrictions (ISDR) today released a new framework for texture modified diets. The new 50 thickness level framework demonstrates a hitherto unseen level of specificity for the aged care catering industry to ensure that each resident’s needs are addressed safely and carefully. “We found current standards to be lacking as they only represented physical thickness and not the full spectrum that contributes to wellbeing,” said ISDR president Lief Kriek in a press interview last Friday. “We humans are deeply emotional creatures and thus any dietary level should include the moods of dishes that can be served, as well as resonant karmic frequencies associated with the food”. Alongside texture thickness, karma and mood, the ISDR model also incorporates every step of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as well as Myers Briggs personality type.

Though the ISDR framework is an undoubtedly positive step forward, like any change it has its critics. The Atlantic Gerontology Union (AGU) has released an official statement saying that the ISDR model “is not grounded on any medical or scientific fact” and “is the fanciful concoction of someone who seems to only have the barest grip on common sense and reason”. This sentiment is also shared by those who took part in an early adopter trial of the extended diet. “Since being put on the diet they’ve fed me nothing but liquidised shrimp,” says a resident who wishes to remain anonymous. “I hate shrimp but when I complained they just said that I couldn’t be moved to a different level until my ‘chakras are aligned’. I just want to eat something else”.

Despite these slight teething issues in initial rollout and a wide media backlash, Kriek is confident that people will see the merit in his grand vision. “The conventional medical community just doesn’t have a proper understanding of the value of spiritual enlightenment, once the first batch of elderly on this diet begin to transcend they will all see that it was wrong to doubt me”.

The ISDR framework is slated for official international rollout never.